Taking stock…one year on.

Today I’m a year older. It’s been 12 months; 52 weeks; 365 (and a quarter?) days. Enough time for plenty to have happened. So why do I feel like I’m in exactly the same place where I was on this day in 2009?

It would be inaccurate to say that nothing has changed. A lot has -or a lot did. But life came full circle and brought me back to where I began -at least that’s the way it feels.

And yet I am not the same person I was, on this day in history. I’m wiser: some of the wisdom gained through experiences best forgotten; yet they shape (or do they? Should they?) whom I am becoming.

I am more tolerant of imperfection -in myself and in others. I have learned, from disappointment, to manage my expectations a little better. That the higher I set my expectations, the longer the drop to reality. Standing on the threshold of a new year in my life, I am not sure if this is a learning that I want to let shape my world view. But it is what it is.

I have gained renewed respect for my ability to bounce back from rock-bottom. Frankly, I would rather not have had to go there in the first place.

I have heightened appreciation and respect for my parents, my sisters, my friends: the people in my life that are there even when I allow life to turn me into unpleasant company; the people who are there to celebrate my success and remind me how far I have come: the people who remind me that I’m worth too much to settle for less than I deserve.

I suppose, despite my life coming full circle, I am not the same person I was then. Sadly, there is much purity that has been lost and skepticism has taken its place. On the other hand, however, perhaps a measure of skepticism goes a long way to making me consider my choices a lot more closely.

I guess it has not been a total waste of a year of my life, after all. I have much to be thankful for, and I give thanks. I have learned what it means to put my faith and trust in God, to surrender to His will for my life and stand on His promises even when my reality appears to be crumbling around me.

‘Nobody told me the road would be easy, but I know he never brought me this far to leave me’

~Mary Mary

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~ by Mo on June 28, 2010.